he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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