I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
