Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
