i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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