Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
