Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize