I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
where are you?
Hypothermia
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
