Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she pinky promised me she was 18
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
