whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
