if you like me you must not know who I am
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
