I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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