I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
