3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
