Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
