My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
