I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
