his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
