1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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