Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
