can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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