if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
