All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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