I got chris browned last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
