My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
