I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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