I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
