I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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