i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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