Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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