hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
