I swear she didn't look like that last week.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
