I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize