i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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