I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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