Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
