Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
