did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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