it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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