My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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