I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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