vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
