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Jerry, you need to find god
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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