I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
