I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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