I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
