i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
