tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
