It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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