I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
