I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm always down for nudity.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
