i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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