I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
