He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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