Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
