I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
