I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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