Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
