it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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