Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
