ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
